New Myers-Briggs Personality Types Disclosed

When I originally completed the Myers-Briggs "type indicator," my personality fell into the ESTJ bucket.

According to the graphic above, as an ESTJ (top left) I am a natural-born supervisor in the tradition of such legendary administrative types as Queen Elizabeth I and Joseph Stalin.

As an ESTJ (Extrovert-Sensing-Thinking-Judging), I am energized by my interactions with humans (and golden retrievers), I like concrete data (like the indisputable facts you find in Facebook and Twitter updates), I make decisions based on logic (unless I'm pissed), and I am miserable when situations are unresolved (you should be too).

Not so fast though! Based on exhaustive research just published online at McSweeney's, there are 11 new personality types. I'm certain that if I took the test again today, I would be re-classed as WDDD.

McSweeney's Additional Myers-Briggs Personality Types

• Unfeeling Uncaring Judging Screaming (UUJS)
• Lurking Touching Hurting Regretting (LTHR)
• Lying Denying Confessing Lying (LDCL)
• Smoking Dancing Laughing Fucking (SDLF)
• Moping Whining Crying Leaping (MWCL)
• Loving Buying Owing Impoverishing (LBOI)
• Hating Marrying Abusing Divorcing (HMAD)
• Running Swimming Boxing Fencing (RSBF)
• Writing Drinking Drinking Drinking (WDDD)
• Opening Sniffing Tasting Questioning (OSTQ)
• Eating Sleeping Videogame Playing (ESVP)

I'd love to hear if anyone else is questioning their original Myers-Briggs type in light of these new classifications, or if perhaps, you think they may have left something off the list. (Anyone else out there think they might be an ABCD - Angsting Bitching Complaining Delaying?)

Bad Lip Reading in the NFL

Just in time for the Super Bowl, the folks from Bad Lip Reading are taking their "talents" to the NFL. I took a break from BLR videos after the November election, but this one is too good not to share.

All your NFL favorites - Adrian Peterson, Tom Brady, Payton Manning, and more - spouting gibberish that will make you laugh 'til you pee.

Daily Zen - Friday, November 16

It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth story window on Friday.

                         
                          ~ American Proverb

Twelve Stages of Novel Writing Grief

In support of those who plan to launch themselves headlong this month into NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I have identified twelve known stages of novel writing grief. 

1. Idea.
2. Enthusiasm.
3. Procrastination.
4. Self-doubt.
5. Angst.
6. Procrastination.
7. Disgust.
8. Procrastination.
9. Despair.
10. Procrastination.
11. Commitment.
12. Writing.

Note: The first 11 stages typically occur over the course of a decade. The 12th stage lasts six months, give or take a year. (Time frames may or may not be compressed for NaNoWriMo participants.)

Clever Internet GIFS With Sounds

What would happen if someone added a soundtrack to the internet's most popular GIF images? Nothing earth-shattering, but you might chuckle and you probably can't stop watching before the end.

This won't make you smarter, but it's fun.

If you didn't get enough GIFs with sound, here's another. (Hat tip to the Daily Beast and Andrew Sullivan.)

Top Tweets - Breaking Up With Chick-Fil-A

I love Chick-Fil-A sandwiches so much it's sinful.

Not like you love your spouse, and not the way you love your friends or family. I mean...it's more than that.

I'm talking about an intense fiery burning love. A deep unfathomable love, the kind of love that literally grafts itself on to your heart. Immaculate, unshakeable, preternatural love. 

I love Chick-Fil-A sandwiches like Westboro Baptist loves hate, like Kardashians love the NBA, like Rush Limbaugh loves the sound of his own voice.

I love those buttery buns and peppery chicken filets (and on occasion those fried-to-perfection 12-piece nuggets with honey mustard dipping sauce) so much it hurts. Like kittens love catnip, like flowers love rain, like God so loved the world. That's how much.

And that's why breaking up with Chick-Fil-A is hard to do (congrats Neil Sedaka - you were right).

In light of remarks made by Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy this week, I can no longer stick my head in the sand. I must acknowledge that some of the money I spend at Chick-Fil-A supports people and organizations who believe I am less.

I must say goodbye, Chick-Fil-A. So long my beautiful sandwich, I'll miss you.

In these first difficult days after my split from Chick-Fil-A, I know Twitter will be there to comfort me and make me smile. Here are a few favorite Tweets so far.

Happy Birthday Will Ferrell - More Cowbell, Please

Comedic actor Will Ferrell turned 45 today, and we're celebrating his birthday with one of my favorite SNL moments. Ferrell is his usual shameless best, and Christopher Walken is a treat too. Enjoy.

Haunted By Gotye (In a Good Way)

If you didn't get enough Gotye when I first raved about his album here, or with SNL's backstage parody, or with Walk Off the Earth's incredible five-band-members-on-one-guitar cover version of "Somebody," or with the Gotye-inspired Mister Rogers remix...

...then this clip is for you. You know you want to watch it. C'mon it's funny. Just give in, and try not to sing along.

(Hat Tip to Andrew Stillman for sharing this on Facebook!)

Turn of Phrase - What Not to Yell When a Great White Shark Is Chasing Someone Nearby

A great white shark trailing a kayaker 150 yards
off the coast of Cape Cod on Saturday.

"I didn't want to just yell, 'Shark, shark,' and scare people. But when I saw the fin following the kayaker, I began yelling and waving my paddle."

- From experienced surfer and paddle-boarder Dana Richardson, who initially hoped to avoid terrifying beachgoers when he spotted a 14-foot great white shark trailing close behind a nearby kayaker off the coast of Cape Cod. 

Here are ten other things that wouldn't be helpful to yell when a great white shark is chasing someone nearby.

1. Don't worry. He's more afraid of you than you are of him!
2. You distract him. I'll go for help!
3. Just back away slowly!
4. Try paddling in a zig-zag pattern!
5. Good news - studies show humans are more dangerous to great whites than they are to us!
6. Spread your arms and try to look large!
7. Holy shit! That's a keeper!
8. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact!
9. I think you're going to need a bigger boat!
10. Best of luck, buddy!

FYI - According to CBS News (clip below), on the same day as the Cape Cod shark sighting, a great white took a bite out of a kayak near Santa Cruz, CA. Personally, I'm thinking conspiracy.

Is Your Dog Really Talking To You?

Jen Huss loves her puppy Bodhi,
but does he understand
that when she tells him?

Several years ago my mom had a dog named Choosy. Our sweet family pet earned her name as a puppy, when she demonstrated keen selectivity in deciding which carpeted areas of our house deserved to be peed on.

According to my mom, in addition to Choosy's habit of being highly judicious in determining where to urinate, the dog had another interesting talent - she understood human language.

Well, not all human language. In truth, I only recall my mom claiming that Choosy understood a single interrogatory phrase, but I was doubtful about even that possibility.

From pretty much any room in the house, my mom would bend down, make eye contact with Choosy, and ask - "do you want a cookie?" The dog would then bolt to the door of the pantry in our kitchen where we stored her special treats, and she'd wait there for my mother to come and reward her. 

A skeptic by nature, I didn't believe the dog understood the meaning of the specific question she was being asked, or for that matter, the significance of any human words. I argued that the dog wasn't interpreting language, but was instead responding to my mother's high-pitched puppy-frenzy-inducing tone of voice. 

To prove my point, I decided one day to put Choosy to the test. Using the same posture and tone of voice as my mother, I asked the dog excitedly - "Are you a Nazi?" In reply, Choosy immediately broke into a run for the pantry, where she sat by the door and awaited her cookie reward. Ha! I knew it! The dog was a fraud, a faker, a charlatan in conspiracy with my mom.

Case closed? Not exactly. Turns out my experiment may not have been all that scientific. 

Today I read a fascinating article about a Border Collie who has developed a vocabulary of more than 1,000 words. The article includes links to various animal language studies, as well as video clips like this one, which even if it's not a Husky attempting to speak, is still pretty damn cute. 

Singing Fast Food Order At Sonic

Definitely the feel-good drive thru order of the year.

Top Tweets About CNN's Supreme Court Gaffe

The incorrect CNN web headline

Scooping the competition has long been a top priority for print news media, but in the bizarre world of 24-hour television news, the pressure to get the story first has reached new heights. 

That explains, in part, why CNN jumped the gun this morning, and after misinterpreting some of Chief Justice John Robert's comments, incorrectly reported online and on-air that the Supreme Court had "struck down the centerpiece" of the Affordable Care Act.

In its defense, CNN wasn't the only news outlet to temporarily flub the story. Fox, HuffPo, NPR, and Time also initially stated incorrectly that the healthcare legislation had been declared unconstitutional.

I suppose one big takeaway here is that everyone, and especially those charged with reporting the news, should listen more carefully to the totality of a message before commenting or sharing it. 

The other big takeaway? Tons of really clever Tweets about fake news stories with the hashtag #CNNHeadlines. Here are some of my favorites.

Star Trek - Gaseous Anomalies

Fart humor is so sophomoric. Consider me a sophomore.

George R.R. Martin - Please Write Like the Wind

Fans of Game Of Thrones (the HBO series or the books) will love this, as will anyone who has ever impatiently waited for the next installment of their favorite book / movie / TV show.

The song is clever and the harmony is surprisingly pleasant, but the lyrics alone are worth the listen.

Gary Oldman Takes On Athlete-Actors

Did you ever see Kazaam starring legendary NBA center Shaquille O'Neal? Apparently, Oscar-nominated actor Gary Oldman did and he's still pissed.

Kenneth From 30 Rock and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Visit Hostile Wiener Stand

There's a headline you don't get to write every day.

Chicago's Wiener's Circle is one of those gimmicky food establishments where the staff adds "entertainment" value to your dining experience by treating patrons to a giant helping of rudeness and sarcasm. Judging from the video clip below, the Wiener's Circle scheduled its most talented team members the night Conan O'Brien taped a segment there.

This is one of those clips that will have you laughing out loud, gasping and covering your mouth, and clapping your hands in approval. And if they didn't have to bleep so much for television, it would have been even better.

You probably guessed this video is NSFW - Not Safe For Work (unless you work someplace really cool, or at home in your pjs, like me).

Burger King's Bacon Sundae Is Here

Available June 14

America's long culinary nightmare is over.

For years, we've only been able to find Bacon Ice Cream or Bacon Cupcakes at fancy over-priced specialty dessert shops or high-end restaurants. 

Thanks to Burger King, we now have easy access to that rich blend of sugary sweetness and pig meat we've craved for so long - and for a reasonable price at a nearby drive-thru. The new BK Bacon Sundae features creamy vanilla soft serve ice cream, fudge sauce, and caramel sauce, topped off with bits of crisp smoked pork. Yum?

 As you might guess, the Bacon Sundae is not exactly a nutritionally balanced snack. If you're watching your weight but still hungry after your Whopper, you might want to skip the Bacon Sundae dessert and just eat some additional items from the regular menu. You could eat 2 cheeseburgers, 10 chicken tenders, or a large order of onion rings, each of which comes in at fewer calories than the Bacon Sundae's impressive 510 calories.

On Thursday when Burger King launches its new summer menu, you'll be able to try out the Bacon Sundae dessert. If anyone boldly gives it a go, be sure to post a comment and let us know what you think!

Meet Luther, President Obama's Anger Translator

Comedy Central's Key and Peele help us understand the true message behind President Obama's words.

In this clip, Luther, the President's anger translator, interprets the President's address to the attendees of the Radio and TV Correspondents' Dinner.

Turn of Phrase - Neil Patrick Harris Outs Clint Eastwood on Colbert

Neil Patrick Harris appearing
on The Colbert Report

"Colbert: Who else in Hollywood is gay?

NPH: There's a couple. There's a few of 'em. Do you want names?

Colbert: Eastwood? Clint Eastwood?

NPH: Clint Eastwood, super gay. Super duper gay."

- From Neil Patrick Harris, in a recent appearance on The Colbert Report. NPH was promoting the upcoming telecast of the Tony Awards.

Other interview topics include making theater an Olympic sport and juggling your children. NPH and Colbert go together like gay peanut butter and straight jelly. Watch the clip below and just try not to love both these guys.

Turn Style - American Flag Stolen From Man Wearing Chicken Suit

Is there anything about this picture that doesn't say...America? 

A thief stole an American flag from a man wearing a chicken suit
outside a Manchester, CT Boston Market restaurant.

You can read the full story here. Go ahead, click it. You know you want to.

Turn Style posts highlight compelling images and other amusing content related to art and fashion.