Getting Here – My Path to Writing

The last installment in my series about the writing process and my Solid Ground writing journey.

My cowboy days

When I was a teenager, I believed I could be anything I wanted to be. In my twenties, I agonized over what exactly that was. During the decade of my thirties, I realized I knew, that I had always known. But by then I was forty, and I wore the handcuffs, financial and otherwise, of a business career I’d succeeded at but never really wanted. And now, at the tender age of fifty-one, I’m at long last publishing my first novel.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about chasing dreams — about the universal challenge we all face of figuring out who we really want to be when we “grow up,” then figuring out how the hell to get there, and finally making the life-altering decision to take the leap.

After graduating college with a degree in International Studies, I tossed my unframed diploma into a box and spent more than two decades working in the retail business world in a number of roles, both store-level and corporate. I knew I loved books — so Waldenbooks, Barnes & Noble, and eventually Borders, were the retail employers I chose.

In retrospect, while I sometimes wish I’d committed to a writing career earlier in life, I am grateful for the years I worked for these amazing booksellers. After all, they provided me with a more-than-ample living, a bevy of lifelong friendships, and Paul, my partner of more than ten years. Oddly enough, my accidental business career also gave me the enormous push I needed to finally chase my dream.

In March 2011, I was working as a District Manager for Borders Books in northern California. Unstoppable market forces had reshaped the book industry, and corporate bankruptcy was charging over the horizon toward the company. With a decent 401K balance and supportive family and friends, I jumped. I decided to quit my job and finally finish “that novel I’ve been workin’ on” (Family Guy fans will appreciate the reference). Six years and half a dozen drafts later, I published my debut novel, Solid Ground, with NineStar Press.

One mission accomplished,
more missions to go.

So, what’s the point of all this? Circumstances beyond our control shape our world? Chasing dreams is difficult? Never give up? Writing is slow tedious work?

All true, but maybe not the point.

The point is this: It’s never too late. Trust your instincts. Move at the pace you can. Build your life in the direction you want it to go. Peer over the edge, lean into it, and leap. Remember, you don’t have to know the whole route, just the next step or two.

Oh, one other thing, even if you get it all right, life won’t cooperate. The earth might shift. There is no solid ground. And that’s okay.

Jeff's first novel, Solid Ground, is available in print and ebook 

at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers.

Write Where You Are

My cabin in the Arcata redwoods
(front porch Eames Ottoman chair included)

The next installment in my series of posts about the writing process and my Solid Ground writing journey.

I am an extrovert. As such, I have traditionally done my best writing in places like airport bars and coffee shops, where the opportunity for human contact is high, but the expectation for it is low. I wrote the first draft of my novel, Solid Ground, in these bustling environments, but in the fall of 2012, my designated barstool in my neighborhood Starbucks let me down. I had somehow become easily distracted and unfocused, and I was bogged down in the second draft of the manuscript. I shared my frustration about the slow pace of my progress with my friend and writing mentor, Jeff, who recommended I take a sabbatical. Jeff has seldom steered me wrong, so I immediately began researching reasonably priced options for a writing getaway. 

Now, as I said, I’m an extrovert. When I talk with others, both strangers and friends, I feel invigorated and alive. No matter the circumstance, I like to engage, find out what everyone else is thinking. Did you like the movie? How hoppy is that IPA? What're you in for? The subject matter is less critical to me than the opportunity for interaction, which is the primary reason spending a month alone and “unplugged” in a secluded cabin in the northern California redwoods scared the hell out of me.

An Arcata visitor drops by

For four weeks I lived in a remote thickly-wooded area on the outskirts of Arcata. I had no phone, no television, and no Internet. I spent every day alone.

I walked majestic forests, reflected on life, and to my delight, I edited three hundred pages of Solid Ground. (I also watched the entire Showtime serial killer series Dexter on my laptop, which in retrospect was possibly a poor choice for isolated cabin viewing.)

Seriously though, I was spiritually and creatively rejuvenated by my time in Arcata. And when my month was up, I packed my manuscript, said a fond goodbye to the family I’d rented the cabin from, and I returned joyfully home.

Home…where the same distractions I’d faced before still waited to drag me away from my story. Every. Single. Day.

I had forged some positive writing habits though during my sabbatical and I molded them into regular life as much as possible. Still, my retreat hadn’t provided me with a silver bullet to slay the twin demons of procrastination and diversion. So, I set about my daily routines, and I returned to writing at Starbucks and at the desk in the spare bedroom of our condo. And over time, I completed the second draft of the book, and eventually, I finished a third draft and a fourth too. A myriad of life distractions arose at each step of the way and I fought them, as I still do. Because I want to be a writer.

I wouldn’t trade my cabin in the redwoods for anything (and I’d go back in a heartbeat), but one thing I learned from my time there is that life isn’t like that month in Arcata. Most of us don’t have uninterrupted hours each day to write and edit, and most of us write at kitchen tables that are nowhere near ancient forests. I’ve discovered that, for me, everyday writing life is everyday life—with a job, a spouse, and enough tennis and whiskey to distract me for a lifetime. But if writing books (and finishing them) is important to me, then I can’t wait for the perfect creative circumstances to arise. Like every other writer, I have to carve out writing time and then discipline myself to use it. 

Arcata was a remarkable experience of inspiration and growth. Ultimately though, to finish my novel and have it published, I had to commit to the real work of writing in the only setting that truly matters—butt in chair, hands on keyboard.

Jeff's first novel, Solid Ground, is available in print and ebook 

at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers.

Write What You Learn

Around the time Solid Ground was released earlier this year, I penned a series of posts about my writing process and my journey to publication. The articles were published on various sites, but with lots of new readers and social media friends, I've decided to re-issue them on my blog.

Here's the fourth installment.

As I navigated my way through the first or fourth or twenty-second draft of my debut novel, Solid Ground, someone shared this Virginia Woolf quote with me.

“Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works.” 

Having “completed” my book (whatever that means), I can now say I agree. I wrote what I knew, and to some extent, I wrote who I was. I wrote what burned inside me, a tendency I imagine to be especially true for first time novelists, in whom all of those previously unsaid things have smoldered the longest. This isn’t to say a novel is always autobiographical (mine’s not, I swear), but that in some way, the stories we write are inextricably anchored to who we are and how we see the world.

I suppose I knew all along that my writing was intertwined with my identity, but then the damnedest thing happened as I wrote my book — I changed.

I wrote Solid Ground off-and-on for more than a decade, and over those years, I had many new and varied life experiences and qualities of mind. So, wouldn’t that change my novel? Does the story we write change as we do? Mine did.

From its humble legal pad origins to its still humble digital and print publication, the themes of Solid Ground evolved, and in some cases, came to mean the literal opposite of their original intent. As I reflected on it, what was most fascinating to me, though, was the realization that, even as the themes changed, the characters and plot of the story remained essentially the same.

Solid Ground has always been about Conor McLeish, a flawed but kindhearted gay man who, as he approached middle age, was worn down by the drama of coming out and the search for acceptance. In each draft of the story, Conor struggled with a truckload of childhood baggage, depression, and his tendency for self-sabotage.

From the early drafts to the eventual published book, what changed were not the key plot points or the sorry details of Conor’s life, but the lessons he takes from those elements. And those lessons, the story’s themes, if you will, changed for Conor because they changed for me.

Even the significance of the novel's title came to carry new meaning for me. When I first began writing the book, Conor's story was about a man's search for a future that's secure and stable, a man's desperate need to stand on solid ground. Years later when I finished the final draft, when Conor and I were both a decade older, the story was more about his willingness to accept an unstable and unpredictable world where the ground never stops shifting beneath his feet.

I don’t want to spoil the story so I won’t give away too much more about Conor’s arc, but I can say this: the book I published wasn’t the book I started writing so many years before. I always wrote what I knew, but over the course of time, my worldview evolved, what I came to know about myself changed, and I wrote what I learned.

Jeff's first novel, Solid Ground, is available in print and ebook 

at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers. 

Life's a Mixed Bag, Ain't It?

Today I received two deliveries. The first delivery was a piece of mail from the IRS that said I owed $12,000 for my 2015 federal income taxes. Based on my income (or the general lack thereof), I suspected this had to be an error, a mistake compounded on on top of another mistake. Nonetheless, I pooped my metaphorical pants.

After chewing off some fingernails and stress-chugging my coffee, I dug through a couple of adequately maintained file drawers to retrieve my tax paperwork: 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010...can you see where this is going? Every year present and accounted for, except 2015. More metaphorical pooping. But okay, I keep electronic records, too.

I booted up my laptop and opened my "Taxes" folder. And there it was, right there where I left it —my trusty 2015 Federal Income Tax .pdf file. Thanks, TurboTax. I reviewed my 1040 form, did a bit of online research, and chomped on my remaining fingernails. Son-of-a-bitch, I had, indeed, made a reporting error related to some (not shady, I swear) investment decisions in late 2015. Next, I called the Merrill Lynch 800 number and spoke to my finance guy, the recent college grad who answered the phone at the call center. After a few minutes of blame avoidance, he said something like, "It's probably okay. But you know, check with your tax guy because that's not my expertise." So I called my tax guy. "Dad," I said, "you aren't going to believe this shit."

My dad, who was at lunch with my mom, empathized with my frustration and angst, and patiently listened to the full story. He asked all the right questions and reassured me. Now I won't bore you with more minutiae about my 2015 tax filing, but suffice it to say, my dad ultimately agreed with the Merrill Lynch guy, and then said something like, "It's probably okay. But you should call the IRS." So, I did.

I dialed the number provided on IRS Notice CP2000 and, not surprisingly, encountered a hellish phone tree. I muttered under my breath and anger-mashed buttons as I navigated my way through a maze of insufficient choices, until at last, I found Bob. His voice was a summer breeze, warm and pleasant, and he brimmed with competence. I explained my situation to Bob who quickly grasped the nuance of each detail. "It's okay," he said. "Just send us that 1099-B and we'll re-calculate. Capital loss, something, something, something. You'll get a check for $300-400 in a few weeks from the IRS."

I'll get a check...I'll get a check...I'll...get...a...check. The words swirled in my head like a feather, then floated to a quiet gentle rest in my consciousness. "Bob,"I said, "I think I love you."

It was after noon and I had only just gotten off the phone with Bob when the doorbell rang. Another delivery. I ran to the closet and snatched a pair of jeans from a clothes hanger (don't judge...I was "working"). I pulled on the jeans and raced to the front door. No one was there, but a medium-sized padded envelope had been left on the mat. I remembered what day it was. My heart raced.

You've likely figured it out by now, probably saw it coming just like that missing 2015 tax file. I carried the package inside, placed it on the kitchen counter, and stared at it. This moment had been a long time in the making, and I considered waiting for someone else to come home before I opened the package. After all, getting published is a group effort. But writing is lonely work. I gently unsealed the envelope, slid out the contents, and held in my hand for the first time ever, a printed copy of my book.

Solid Ground is available in print and ebook 

at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers. 

Solid Ground - Giveaway Winners!

We have three lucky winners in the Solid Ground Giveaway contest! 

Congratulations to Dina Mellor, Mitch Watt, and Mary Lowery Good! I'll contact the winners via email shortly, and they'll each receive a digital Advance Reader Copy of Solid Ground today!

Incredibly tough day for everyone else (I'm sure?). In case you forgot...

The ebook of Solid Ground releases on Monday, April 24th, and can be pre-ordered now from Amazon, B&N, and other online retailers.

The print version of Solid Ground can be purchased now on Amazon and should be available later today from B&N and other online retailers.

Oh, and if you'd like to get your copy signed, just click here!

Happy reading everyone!

Solid Ground: Pre-Order Links and Other Fun Stuff

UPDATE (April 20): The print book is here! You can now order a print copy of Solid Ground from Amazon for $14.99. The print version will also be available for order from B&N and other online retailers tomorrow!


On Monday, April 24th, you’ll finally be able to see what I’ve been doing since I left the bookselling business and fully immersed myself in the book writing business. In choosing a plot and theme for Solid Ground, I took the advice of Toni Morrison and others, who essentially say, write the book you want to read. I like to read books about how human beings struggle, how imperfect we are, how much we get in our own way and screw up our own lives, but within all that, despite all that, how we also find moments, even years, of enlightenment, happiness, and love. So, that's what I endeavored to write. I hope you find my efforts to be a worthwhile investment of your reading time. Honestly, I did my best not to write a shitty book.

Ordering
Digital versions of Solid Ground can be pre-ordered now for $6.99 in most of the places you can buy ebooks, including: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, etc. You'll get the ebook on April 24th.

Print copies will be available for order for $14.99 on Thursday, April 20th  at Amazon and from B&N and other sites on Friday, April 21st. If you order by Thursday, you’ll likely have it in your hand when it releases Monday, and possibly even a day or two earlier.

Signed Copies
I was amazed (and genuinely thrilled) that more than a hundred people responded when I asked who’d be interested in getting a signed copy of the book. If you weren’t just being kind, look for details soon on how to get your signed copy. And if you were just being kind, thanks for that too.
(But buy a copy anyway. Seriously. Buy it. Even if you don’t read it. Buy it. It's big, use it as a doorstop. And if your doors don't need stopping, stash it in the attic, you know, like a keepsake.)

Giving It Away (the book, not the ending)
One last note, I have three digital Advanced Reading Copies I’m GIVING AWAY next week BEFORE the RELEASE DAY. Stay tuned!

Thanks everyone!

Thursday's Children: What Really Matters

Posted by: Jeff McKown

Thursday's Children is a weekly blog hop where writers come together to talk about what inspires them. 

I'm participating today and you can too. A link to other Thursday's Children writers is at the end of the post.

Thanks to Rhiann Wynn Nolet for orchestrating this affair.


My "Thursday's Children" article this week is literally about children. Not so much all children, just one. A very inspiring and brave little girl named Lisa.

LoveYouLisa

In June of 2008, my friend Linda's three year-old daughter Lisa was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma cancer.

For the last five years, Lisa's illness and treatments have had her in and out of the hospital countless times. She has been poked, prodded, chemo-ed, and radiated.

All the while, she has fought like a champion.

A couple of days ago, Lisa was taken to the ER with a high temperature, nausea, and increased pain in her legs and head, and she was again admitted to the hospital. Today, her battle rages on, and Lisa's parents and siblings find themselves once more in the helpless and agonizing position of waiting and wondering and wishing.

I have witnessed all of this from a great distance, through only the lens of the internet. But even from here, over the thousands of miles from California to Michigan, the strength of Lisa, Linda, and their family inspires me.

Linda has chronicled much of the journey of her little "warrior" on a blog, and I IMPLORE you to read the post she wrote this week entitled "Live Life." Linda's words are honest, heart-wrenching, and powerful. With Linda's permission, I am sharing her words, hoping that you might be inspired to remember to take nothing for granted.

After you've read Linda's post, I ask one thing in return: a compassionate thought or positive vibe, or perhaps if you're so inclined (and this means a lot coming from an atheist), a prayer.


Learn more about Lisa at the LoveYouLisa Facebook page. 

Click here to view other Thursday's Children blog posts, or check out Rhiann's website for more info.

Think Like a Boss: Guest Post From Laura Oliva

Today's post comes from guest contributor and indie romance author Laura Oliva.

Laura has just published her first novel, All That Glitters, which is available for preview or purchase on Amazon and Smashwords.

I've enjoyed following Laura's writing journey on Twitter and Facebook, and in the post below, she shares with us what she has learned about finding success in the self-publishing world.


Think Like a Boss

"The greatest reward in becoming a millionaire is not the amount of money that you earn. It is the kind of person that you have to become to become a millionaire in the first place." - Jim Rohn

Do you have management potential?

More and more writers - both new and experienced - are discovering the world of self-publishing. It's an equal-opportunity venture. Everybody starts from the same place, with the same available resources. And yet, while some succeed, others fail. Why?

Look at those who make it, and you'll notice they all have something in common: they've figured out how to think like a boss.

Self-publishing is an entrepreneurial venture. A lot of people- writers especially- forget this. After all, you've written a book! The hard part's done, right? Now it's just a simple matter of slapping on a cover and tossing it up on Amazon.

If this is your attitude, I humbly suggest you not quit your day job.

It takes work to succeed at self-publishing. But more, it takes a certain frame of mind. I've narrowed down a few qualities to look for and cultivate. Remember: you're an entrepreneur. It's time to start thinking like one.

Know what you're selling. You're a brand now. Weird concept, right? But it's true. And that means you need a clear idea of just what that brand is. When you're starting out, focusing your creative energies on a specific genre or style of writing will help build recognition and a reader base. Remember: you can always branch out later.

Be professional. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to take yourself seriously first. That doesn't mean never having fun. It means consistently putting out clean, well-written, quality work. Have trouble in certain areas- grammar, plot structure, characterization, dialogue? Put the time and effort into honing your skill. The true mark of a professional is they never stop trying to improve.

Aim high. Oftentimes, we are the last people to know what we're capable of. Don't hamstring yourself at the outset. Dream big. Shoot for the stratosphere. Bite off more than you think you can chew. I guarantee you'll surprise yourself.

Expect success. Live your life like you're already the person you want to be. It may sound New Age-y, but it's true: positive energy attracts positive energy. You're already a success, even if no one realizes it yet but you.

Don't give up. You've doubtless heard this one before, but it never stops being true. The difference between successful and unsuccessful people isn't how many times they've succeeded. It's how many times they've tried again after failing.

Stay grounded. It is so easy to get swallowed by your own hype, especially when the positive reviews start coming in. Don't fall into this trap! Give yourself permission to be excited and proud- you've earned it. Do a little dance. Have a good laugh. Have a good cry. Then get back to work.

If you're already doing any of these, you're ahead of the game. Keep on keeping on. If you're not, don't despair. All of these qualities can be learned. But just because you can learn to be an entrepreneur doesn't necessarily mean you should, or will want to. Not everyone wants to play the Puppet-master  It's a stupid amount of work, and the pressure is huge. There are many roads to success. If self-publishing isn't yours, don't worry. You'll find another.

If, however, you decide you are that person, welcome to the club! As many difficulties as there are, there are benefits too. Creative control. Deciding for yourself what your career will look like. The satisfaction that comes from making good on your own. So dig deep. Work hard. Then enjoy the rewards.

It's good to be the boss.

When not sweating blood over the keyboard, Laura Oliva is a full-time mom, wife, amateur chef, gardener, and (non)recovering clotheshorse.

She discovered her love of storytelling as a child, after successfully blaming a broken vase on her younger brother. A functioning cynic, she writes tender love stories about tough people.

You can visit Laura's website and follow her on Twitter @writermama for clever quips and inspiration. Laura's blog is Writing in the Night.

Thursday's Children: Never Kick the Habit

Posted by: Jeff McKown

Thursday's Children is a weekly blog hop where writers come together to talk about what inspires them. I'm participating today and you can too. 

A link to other Thursday's Children writers is at the end of the post.

Thanks to Rhiann Wynn Nolet for orchestrating this affair.


Writing fiction is a lonely and foolish obsession. Finding one's voice, twisting and manipulating language to tell a compelling story, developing characters, teasing out story arcs, building tension.

Reading it, hating it, re-writing it, and hating it only a little less.

The act of creating something from nothing and crafting it to be as good as you know it can be is alternately discouraging, tedium-inducing, and brain-frying. But enough with the good news.

The worst aspect of nursing a hardcore writing addiction is knowing that some people make a living doing it. Some authors are actually compensated for the hard time they do in the vocabulary salt mines, and knowing that a small percentage of writers are paid to pursue their obsession makes it that much harder for the rest of us to quit. Imagine how much more difficult it would be for a junkie to give up heroin, if being a smack addict was a respectable paying job.

My chances of earning an honest wage as a fiction writer are in the same ballpark as my odds of scoring a winning Powerball ticket, and yet, I keep going. I write because certain stories deserve to be told (or maybe because I need to tell certain stories), and because not writing leaves me bloated and full of words that should have been shared. I write because not writing feels like leaving the dock just before the ship comes in. Not writing, for me, is wrong.

Those are my truths, though I must confess, I haven't been entirely honest with you. When I said the worst part of writing is knowing some people make a living at it, I lied.

The worst part of writing, or creating art of any kind I imagine, is committing hours and hours and hours of your life to a project, and still thinking it sucks. When that happens, and if you're a writer it will, the urge to give up on writing will be strong. You'll be tempted to burn your copy of Stephen King's On Writing and hurl your laptop out the window. Don't do it.

A few weeks ago, just as I was drowning in disappointment over the absence of literary sparkle in my current work-in-progress, an inspiring video from NPR's Ira Glass came to my rescue.

The clip is short and you can watch it here, but if you don't have three minutes to spare, the gist of Ira's advice is this: Everyone sucked when they first started. Create as much as you can, and the quality of your work will improve.

So, there you go. If you're saddled with a writing habit that is sometimes troublesome and unrewarding, don't be discouraged, and for God's sake, don't quit. Some habits shouldn't be kicked, they should be nursed, like a tumbler of Jameson.

If you're compelled, as I am, to keep stringing words and phrases together in the hopes of someday getting it right, stay with it. Figure out the story you want to tell, and follow it wherever it leads. You won't be happy if you don't.


Click here to view other Thursday's Children blog posts, or check out Rhiann's website for more info.

Self-Portraits of Famous Authors (And a Selfie)

Posted By: Jeff McKown

We are never more vain and obsessed with our outer selves than when we hear our own recorded voice or see our image in a photograph.

You know, that hideous and uncomfortable moment when your delusional self-image collides with the undeniable reality of what everyone else in the world instantly recognizes as exactly you.

Cameras and recorders don't lie, which is mostly why we fear them, but these devices do have their limits. They can only capture the outside you.

That's why I loved a recent Flavorwire article on self-portraits of famous authors. Self-portraits don't lie either, but they tell a very different story.

When you make an earnest attempt to represent yourself in ink or oils or pencil, the output of your work may or may not be a reasonable facsimile of how you appear to others on the outside, but it will definitely be a telling reflection of how you see yourself - from the inside.

You can see the Flavorwire piece with 20 famous author self-portraits here. Some of them are simple, some are curmudgeonly. Others are comical or tortured. Sylvia Plath, Henry Miller, Vonnegut, and more. Each portrait gives us a peak into how these great writers see their truest selves.

This self-portrait of Jack Kerouac was my favorite.

As for me, I'm no Van Gogh. My endeavors in the visual arts have never gone far beyond crude drawings of stick dogs and stick cows (which are indistinguishable except for the udders).

In the absence of any artistic talent, I'll offer up a cell phone selfie to which I'm partial (though not everyone is). I'm a little less bearded at the moment, but maybe not for long.

How do you see yourself?

Turn of Phrase - Neil Gaiman on Writing

Posted By: Jeff McKown

Linderhof Palace in Germany

"You put one word after another, like putting bricks on to a wall, and sooner or later, you look and you've managed to build the palace of mad King Ludwig of Bavaria out of matchsticks."

~ From acclaimed English Sci-Fi and Fantasy author Neil Gaiman.


Anyone who writes fiction knows how daunting the task is, and it's helpful to read encouraging words from those who have already climbed the mountain.

Flavorwire assembled short videos with advice for aspiring writers from Gaiman and 11 other famous authors. You can see the Gaiman video, as well as clips from Ray Bradbury, Anne Rice, Ian McEwan and more here.

Thursday's Children: It's the Words

Posted by: Jeff McKown

Thursday's Children is a weekly blog hop where writers come together to talk about what inspires them. I'm participating today and you can too. 

A link to other Thursday's Children writers is at the end of the post.

Thanks to Rhiann Wynn Nolet for orchestrating this affair.

I'm a massive dork when it comes to writing. I keep a schedule with daily word count targets and I track my progress compulsively. My customized Excel spreadsheet has one tab for story structure, and another where I keep a "to do" list of open questions and issues. But the holy grail of my spreadsheet, the tab to end all tabs, is the formula-laden sheet where I calculate my output and performance to daily goals - the page that lets me know whether to flog or reward myself at the end of each writing day. I’m just that kind of guy.

With my aforementioned schedule, I have a pretty good idea of when I’m going to finish the second draft of the novel I’m currently revising. In two weeks, I’ll be done and that scares the living shit out of me. I lose sleep wondering about the great abyss that lies beyond the security of my daily writing rituals, and the uncertainty of what happens next makes my heart pound and my stomach churn. Because I’m also that kind of guy.

Having worked on this book off and on for a decade, I’ve had ample time to consider my fear, to examine it, to roll it around in my palm and squeeze it like a turd. I’m pretty intimate with my writing fear, but it’s only now, as the end of the second draft draws near, that I have begun to fully comprehend its meaning.

Writing isn’t a hobby for me, it’s a dream. And not a champagne hot tub Beverly Hills limo dream, but a third-grade no-pants school bus dream. Okay, not exactly that either. More like an MLK “I have a dream” dream, only less uplifting and lyrical, without all the concern for equality and brotherhood and the well-being of mankind.

You see, I love words. All kinds of words. I love how they fit together like jagged little puzzle pieces, conjuring nightmares and landscapes no one else ever imagined. I love how choosing the right words and assembling them in a meaningful order conveys a profound thought, a stunning image, or a devastating emotion. I love how words, when properly aligned, become art.

That's my dream - to make word art, the kind that makes you weep in a quiet corner or laugh out loud on a crowded train. To share ideas that make you shake your head in disapproval, or words that make you love someone more. To craft thoughtful collections of phrases and sentences and paragraphs, and carefully cull them into a collection of pages that rock you, crush you, or piss you off.

And therein lies my fear. I’m two weeks away from finishing the second draft of a novel, my best attempt at chasing the dream and making word art, which I daresay is a damn sight tougher than most of us know. I’ve invested so much. I spoke my dream aloud. I left jobs to pursue it. I sought peers and mentors and editors. I read blogs, and books, and books about books. I bought software. I meditated. I lived in a cabin in the woods. Thousands. Of. Hours.

Now I know, thanks to my trusty spreadsheet, I will soon reach a new milestone. In fourteen short days, give or take a day, I will cross another bridge on the way to my dream, with no way of knowing what awaits me at the far end of the span. Maybe my dream comes true or maybe there’s a nightmare end. More likely, the dream will just go on, and I'll be left to keep running after it.

I’m scared, but whatever happens next, I have the satisfaction of knowing I gave it my all. I pursued something in my life that mattered to me, something I cared about. I surfaced something honest and real from deep inside - the words. Because you know what? I’m that kind of guy, too.

Click here to view other Thursday's Children blog posts, or check out Rhiann's website for more info.

Wisdom For Creative Beginners From Ira Glass

Posted By: Jeff McKown

In a few weeks, I'll finish editing the second draft of a novel I've been writing off and on for years. As I read through my work, I stumble on a few flashes of writing competence, but just as often, I find frightful blunders that fill me with doubt and make me want to click and drag the entire novel into the trash bin.

But I won't throw it all away...

I'll see the novel through to its natural end, whatever that turns out to be, and I'll keep blogging. Partly because I understand faltering belief is part of the process, and partly because I couldn't stop writing even if I wanted to.

Ira Glass, creator and host of NPR's This American Life, shared this short piece of advice for beginning "artists" of any kind, and his words are helpful, heartfelt, and real. #HopeFightWrite

Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

Manuscript Peep Show

A quick blog post for my writer friends.

My Twitter pal Nat Russo recently tagged me into Melanie Sokol's Manuscript Peep Show.

To recap the rules:

1. Go to the 77th page of your work-in-progress
2. Count down 7 lines
3. Share the 7 lines that follow

My contribution is an excerpt from the second draft of my novel-in-progress.

June was anxious to seize any opportunity to escape a McCory holiday gathering, but she didn't want to appear too eager. The legend of our Orphan’s Thanksgivings permeated the family consciousness, and I believed each of my aunts, uncles, and cousins secretly longed to enjoy turkey dinner at our house. Compared to hours of drunk Seamus spouting nonsense or sober Doris spouting bible verses, our long afternoons of tryptophan-induced napping and quiet evenings of riverfront wine-sipping had to sound like heaven.

Twelve Stages of Novel Writing Grief

In support of those who plan to launch themselves headlong this month into NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I have identified twelve known stages of novel writing grief. 

1. Idea.
2. Enthusiasm.
3. Procrastination.
4. Self-doubt.
5. Angst.
6. Procrastination.
7. Disgust.
8. Procrastination.
9. Despair.
10. Procrastination.
11. Commitment.
12. Writing.

Note: The first 11 stages typically occur over the course of a decade. The 12th stage lasts six months, give or take a year. (Time frames may or may not be compressed for NaNoWriMo participants.)