But, Where Are the Clowns?

First, Donald Trump decided not to don his superhero cape and save America. Then, Herman Cain had to withdraw early (probably for the first time from the sound of things). Michele Bachmann dropped out when enough people finally realized she was insane. And now, no more Rick Perry - 'cuz the wizard never delivered on the brain he was promised.

Oh well, we've got Rick Santorum for now, and we'll probably always have Newt.

Rick Perry Throws the Anti-Gay Hail Mary Pass

Texas Governor Rick Perry has launched a new ad campaign attacking President Obama and his alleged "war on religion."

Unbelievably, Perry's campaign posted this video to YouTube, but forgot to turn off the like/dislike function. As of this writing, there were just over 4,000 "likes" and more than 200,000 "dislikes."

Perry, who finds himself unable to gain ground on his top conservative rivals since poor debate performance catapulted his poll ratings over a steep cliff, has done what Republican Presidential contenders always do when they are unable to gain even the smallest amount of traction - they throw the family values Hail Mary pass.

With a struggling economic recovery, a nearly unsolvable budget impasse, a dysfunctional Congress, and the Arab spring/awakening, you would think Perry would have plenty of critically important issues to focus on, and to his credit, he has made some effort to do so. After all these months on the campaign trail though, the lack of enthusiasm generated for Perry's flat tax economic plan is matched only by the absence of coherence in his approach to foreign policy.

Rick Perry Believes Not Being Executed Is a "Special Right"

President Obama has boldly announced that the United States will incorporate the promotion of basic human rights for gay and lesbian citizens around the world into American diplomatic interactions with other countries.

The President issued a memorandum in tandem with a speech delivered by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, wherein the administration vowed to work to decriminalize homosexuality and to challenge nations where abuses against gays and lesbians are flagrant.

In countries like Saudi Arabia and Uganda, being gay is a criminal act that is punishable by flogging and potentially even death. In many other countries, egregious harassment and beating of gays and lesbians is common and perpetrators go unpunished. While the President stopped short of directly connecting diplomatic aid to fair and equal treatment of gays and lesbians in foreign countries, the initiative is an important step forward in supporting fundamental human rights for homosexual people around the world.

And then, there's Governor Rick Perry.

On his website Perry makes a bold and stupid proclamation in response to the President's new human rights initiative.

"Promoting special rights for gays in foreign countries is not in America's interests and not worth a dime of taxpayers' money."

No one is asking for "special rights" here, unless you consider not being arrested, beaten, and murdered as special rights that gays somehow don't deserve. Obama is simply saying don't torture and execute someone because of their sexual orientation.

Perry also maintains on his campaign site that Obama is "out of touch" with American values. The last time I looked there was no principle held in greater esteem in this country than that of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." If Rick Perry thinks asking other nations to honor this fundamental tenet of democracy by not subjecting innocent civilians to torture and murder is somehow out of step with mainstream American values, he is not just narrow-minded but bigotedly and cruelly so.

Rick Perry on SNL's Weekend Update

It's another big winner for Bill Hader.

This time he delivers a drunk Rick Perry performance on SNL's weekly news segment (the consistent high point of the show these days).

(It's worth waiting out the Hulu ad. Sorry.)

Rick Perry - Not "Slick" (or Smart?) But Proud

In Rick Perry's new campaign ad he embraces his inability to articulate his thoughts intelligently. He adds that we don't need another "slick politician or a guy with great teleprompter skills", since the one we have is already "destroying our economy."

News Flash Mr. Perry: The "slick politician" is doing his best to repair the economy that was destroyed by his predecessor. What we really don't need is another plainspoken swagger-laden Texan who mistakenly believes that big-dick cowboy and Commander-in-Chief are synonyms.

Viewing Tip: Click the title bar at the top of the clip to view in a larger window.

The Shallow End - Bad Lip Reading with Rick Perry

If you need to laugh out loud today, this should do it.

Is Rick Perry Just Another "Pretty" Face?

There was an article in Mother Jones magazine this morning that offered an interesting take on why Rick Perry was so badly routed in this past weekend's Florida straw poll. The article alleges that Perry is simply too Sarah Palin-esque (i.e., lazy) in his approach to preparing for the opportunities he has to showcase himself, like the Republican candidate debates.

According to the article, Perry believes that his winning personality and his bullshit Texas bravado, instead of thoughtful consideration of issues and prepared policy positions, should be enough to garner him favor among voters. Based on his massive fall from grace of late, that is not how Republican voters feel. Perry is paying for his lack of effort with a rapid downturn in public perception of his viability as a candidate.

I congratulate my Republican friends for not letting the candidate get away with his just-smile-and-talk-Texas-tough strategy. Our national problems are too big for us to seriously consider someone for President who doesn't take the time to truly understand the issues and formulate serious plans for addressing them.

We may not have seen the last of Perry, but he better damn well start "hitting the books" a little harder if he wants to be a legit contender for Commander-in-Chief.

Republican Presidential Debate Starts Cannibalism Season

Party politics in the United States seldom yields anything surprising or new, but nothing is so predictable as the intra-party cannibalism that occurs during one of the major parties televised Presidential candidate debates.

If you belong to the party that currently holds the White House, there is almost nothing so wildly entertaining as watching opposition party maneaters swarm into a feeding frenzy when they think they smell an open wound on one of their own kind. It's like watching wild antelope race across the savanna, and then suddenly turn and attack the weakest of their own herd. (Okay, that would actually be grotesque to see in the animal world, but it's great when you are watching opposition party politics.)

At last night's Republican presidential debate in Tampa, Texas Governor and newly-crowned front runner Rick Perry was the seemingly pre-selected target of his peers. Perry took shots from a host of other candidates on topics ranging from taxes to Social Security to the mandated vaccine against HPV in young girls. Pundits generally say that Perry weathered the attack reasonably well...but I say, who cares!

 The almost-primary-season Republican political cannibalism is well underway, and that's the show I'm excited to see. The only thing I will enjoy more is when the race really heats up and they all take outlandish and absurd ultra right-wing political positions ("God makes my tough political decisions," "Gays aren't actually people," "For better or worse, James Earl Ray was just trying to make a point") that will push me solidly back toward my Democratic core and cement my support for President Obama in 2012.

I know the nature of televised intra-party political debates encourages politicians to say the craziest things. Still, these eat-your-own party member buffets do help us see how far to the right (or left) a candidate will go to differentiate him/herself from the field. They probably don't truly believe all the wacky shit they say during the intra-party debates, but they might. Right, Michele Bachmann?