Top 5 Herman Cain Quotes and Rebuttals

Herman Cain, flanked by his wife Gloria.

By now you've heard that Herman Cain is officially out of the presidential race. This is tragic news for bloggers, but hey, we've still got Michele Bachmann. 

In the interest of parting shots, here are my favorite Cain quotes with bonus rebuttals. It feels kind of bad kickin' a guy when he's down, but....nah, it feels good.

"If you don't have a job, and you're not rich, blame yourself."  - Herman Cain addressing supporters of the Occupy Movement.

• "If you cheat on your wife for over a decade, sexually harass multiple women, and don't know shit about foreign policy, blame yourself." - Me, addressing Herman Cain.

"Because of the continued distractions, the continued hurt caused on me and my family..." - Cain explaining his reasons for withdrawing from the race.

• "It's your penis, stupid." - Me, explaining Cain's reasons for withdrawing from the race.

"We are building this campaign team like I would build a business. And that is, we are building it so far with no debt." - Cain on responsible campaign financing.

• "In suspending his candidacy, as opposed to saying that he was quitting the race, Mr. Cain maintained his ability to accept money to pay for his campaign." - New York Times explaining why Cain chose to "suspend" rather than simply end his campaign. 

"Stupid people are ruining America." - Cain telling you what he thinks of you.

• "True, but there is one less stupid person in politics now." - Me telling Cain what I think of him.

"I'm not a professional politician." - Cain stating the obvious.

• "No shit." - Me.
• "You think?"  - Me.
• "Then, you can't be a professional president." - Me.

Related Post: Top Ten Things Cain Needs From Secret Service

Herman Cain Accused of Adulterous Affair

Photo: Reuters/Brian Snyder

A woman named Ginger White told an Atlanta television station today that she had a thirteen year affair with Herman Cain that ended only a few months ago.

Cain denies the allegation, of course, but this time there may be an abundance of physical evidence. More to come in the next few days for sure...

In the meantime, that banging sound in Cain's ears? It's not a migraine - it's the final nails being pounded into his campaign's coffin. Lucky for Newt, his prior infidelity is already public record.

Top Ten Things Herman Cain Needs But Won't Get From the Secret Service

Photo: Fishbowlny.com

Herman Cain is the first of the Republican field of presidential candidates who will receive protection from the United States Secret Service.

The Secret Service will coordinate logistics and provide security for Cain, but his ailing campaign needs a helluva lot more than that.

Here's my list of the top ten things Herman Cain needs from the Secret Service that he probably won't get.

10. Legal representation from Gloria Allred
9. An economic strategy that offers more than a clever name
8. Rescue from declining poll numbers
7. A capacity for empathy
6. World History lessons
5. Geography lessons
4. An internal filter
3. A refresher on the definition of pro-choice
2. A safety word to use when faced with difficult foreign policy questions
1. The location of the secret cave where Mitt Romney hides the rest of his wives

Turn of Phrase - Mrs. Cain Stands By Her Man

Cain and his family
(and Greta Van Sustern from Fox)

"I seriously, in my soul, don't think he's that type of person...he would have to have a split personality to do the things that she said."

- From Gloria Cain during an interview with Fox News, in defense of her husband against multiple sexual harassment accusers, including Sharon Bialek.

If you're 65 years-old, and you've been married to a very wealthy and successful businessman for 43 years, and you have two kids and three grandkids together, how else could you feel? Even if she's troubled by the accusations she's heard, believing in her husband's innocence is self-preservation at this point.

I wonder if Jerry Sandusky's wife feels the same way.

End This Herman Cain Nonsense Now

Herman Cain made an unadulterated dumbass of himself when trying to answer a simple question about his position on Libya, during an interview Monday with the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. I personally have not decided to run for the presidency of the United States, but I could have answered the question more thoughtfully than Cain did. In fact, I could have faked a better answer too.

On several occasions when Cain has proven to be under-prepared and ill-informed, he has fallen back on the bullshit reply that Presidents can't possibly know everything - that's why they surround themselves with the best people. While that is generally true, and while that kind of answer might fly if a reporter is asking you trick questions about "Uze-beki-beki-stan-stan," this question was about LIBYA. Maybe pleading ignorance flies with the board of directors in the high-intensity world of pizza making, but it's an unacceptable and downright shitty answer to give when you're asking to be the guy who holds the fate of the free world in his palm.

The pizza man cometh.

Even without the swirling sexual harassment controversy, this video should be enough to send the staunchest Cain supporter packing. Cain might be smart enough to succeed as a motivational speaker or pizza magnate, but he has never held elective office, he has zero experience in public governance, and his understanding of important and weighty presidential responsibilities is riddled with gaping holes.

Herman Cain and the Math of Four Denials

Sharon Bialek, Cain's fourth accuser
Photo: Reuters

A fourth woman has come forward with accusations of inappopriate sexual behavior against presidential candidate Herman Cain. 

Cain's latest accuser, Sharon Bialek, has not only publicly identified herself, she has also implored Cain to publicly admit his guilt. 

Herman Cain's defense? Deny. Again.

Here's how I see the math when a leading presidential candidate is suddenly accused by multiple women of inappropriate sexual conduct.

One Accuser = Opportunist

Two Accusers = Opportunist and Looney (or two Opportunists, maybe)

Three Accusers = Conspiracy

Four Accusers = Pattern

I imagine if a fifth woman comes forward with harassment accusations against Cain he will need to execute the very delicate political maneuver known as deny-accuse-reverse, wherein he once again denies the harassment claim, and then accuses all five women of being Mitt Romney's wives. 

Turn of Phrase: McKown on the Difference Between Cain and Clinton

"As sexual harassers, Herman Cain and Bill Clinton may be similar. As leaders, less so: one made a damn fine pizza and the other made a damn fine president."

- From Jeff McKown, asked (by himself) to comment on how the accusations of sexual harassment against Herman Cain compare to those levied against former President Clinton.

Romney Polls 4 Points Behind Cain

Interesting analysis from the NY Times of why Mitt Romney, who now trails just behind Herman Cain in the polls, has the pizza guy right where he wants him.

His strategy of playing it cool and acting front-runnery has served him well so far, and now he just has to weather the Herma-Cain.

Perry's Flat Tax and Economic Plan Simplified

Rick Perry's "postcard" tax return
 (Photo by Mary Ann Chastain/AP)

Presidential candidate Rick Perry unveiled his plan for righting the American economic ship in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece published Tuesday.

In the article which he authored, Perry offered his vision for simplifying the tax code and shrinking government toward the end goal of boosting the economy and balancing the budget.

Not to be out-marketed by rising Republican star Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 Tax Plan, Perry named his economic package the slightly less catchy Cut, Balance, and Grow Plan.

The three pillars of Perry's plan, cut taxes and spending, balance the budget, and grow the economy offer nothing new on the surface, but the devil is always in the details. Sadly, when you dig into the details of Perry's plan on his campaign website (which I already did to save you the suffering), what you don't find is anything new. What you find instead is an endless scroll of self-evident charts and graphs that are at best irrelevant (five different pie charts and a bar graphs to illustrate that the tax code is burdensome seems like overkill), and at worst misleading (a chart labeled "Swimming in Debt" shows we have the highest debt-to-GDP ratio since World War II, but fails to explain how this resulted largely from the Bush administration's refusal to raise taxes while waging two wars).

Herman Cain Is Anti-Abortion but Pro-Choice

Having watched this interview segment three times, I am still confused by Herman Cain's position on abortion.

In the interview, the Republican presidential candidate says there are "no circumstances" under which abortion is acceptable. Then, when pushed on the questions of incest/rape, he characterizes abortion as a very personal decision, "a choice that the family or the mother has to make..." He takes it one step further saying, "whatever they decide they decide."

Cain declares himself to be completely opposed to abortion and says the procedure should be illegal, and then he answers a follow-up question with an eloquent pro-choice statement. We're all used to politicians contradicting themselves, but it's not often that we see it so well done in a single news clip.

Congress Stalls Jobs Act, Offers Nothing New

Senators Harry Reid (D) and Mitch McConnell (R)
Photo: Sam Stein/Huffington Post

In the wake of Republican procedural maneuvers that blocked the President's full American Jobs Act last week, Senate Democrats are planning to take a more piecemeal approach to job creation. I'm skeptical they can do even that, but it's fine with me - just show you can all work together to get something done.

Like most Americans, I'm growing increasingly frustrated with Congress' failure to make progress. Democrats have proven themselves to be unable to gain Republican support for their ideas through either persuasion, political outflanking, or sheer muscle, and Republicans continue to suffer from a perpetual dearth of new and decent ideas of their own.

While standing in staunch opposition to the jobs bill proposed by the White House, Congressional Republicans have proposed little to spur job creation and economic growth beyond removing regulations from various industries (which worked out well in the financial sector, right?), repealing Obamacare (which didn't come into law until after the economy was well down the road to hell), and drilling in the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge (regardless of the economic impact, Republicans seem bent on defiling this piece of wilderness).

Beyond the halls of Congress, Republican presidential candidates have busied themselves re-packaging the same failed economic policies that led us to the promise land we enjoy today. Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to resurrect the "drill baby, drill"mentality and he has done some funny math (according to Republican journalist David Frum) to try and substantiate the validity of this approach. Meanwhile, Herman Cain is breaking no new ground with his 9-9-9 tax plan which offers the same old Republican recipe of robbing from the middle class to protect the top 10%.

My advice to all of them is the same now as it was when the President first proposed his jobs bill in early September - get busy conducting the nation's critically important business or get ready to be swept out of the way in November 2012.

Herman Cain as Romney's Vice President

What would you think of a Romney-Cain Republican ticket?

Former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown is the first I have seen to propose the idea, and I think he may be on to something.

Consider the benefits for Republicans.

• In these tough economic times, Republicans could tout a ticket with not one, but two "job-creating" businessmen.
• As a newcomer to presidential politics, Cain brings a different energy and a Washington outsider edge to the ticket in a very anti-incumbent political environment.
• Cain's presence on the ticket would help Romney solidify support from the conservative wing of the Republican party.
• As an African-American, Cain may be able to siphon enough of the traditionally Democratic black vote to give the Republicans an edge.

While it's far too early for any candidate to concede that he or she is interested in the number two spot, if I were a Republican party leader, I would plant the seed now, water the hell out of it, and get the back room negotiations going posthaste.

Herman Cain's 9-9-9 Tax Plan for Dummies

Can thousands of pages of tax
code be replaced with 9-9-9?

Like most Americans, I am seriously frustrated and concerned by the lack of forward progress in our nation's economy. Like the 53% of Americans who voted for the Democratic candidate in the 2008 presidential election, I believed Barack Obama might have the ideas to lead the economic charge. So far, not so much.

Regardless of where you stand on the Obama presidency, you have to admit that the economy blows. The stock market is a volatile mess, home prices are stagnant at best, unemployment remains high, foreclosures continue, and overall growth is slow. Reasonable people, of which I like to think I am one, have to be open to new ideas, because business as usual has turned out to be bad business.

Enter Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 Plan.

I have done my homework and have reached a conclusion about the plan. But let's not put the cart before the horse. First, four basic facts about the plan, presented as simply as I can.

1. Cain proposes that we completely abolish the current tax code, which is universally detested, overly complex, and potentially "unfair." (Cheap applause because everyone hates the tax code.)
2. Cain proposes that we replace the tax code with the very simple 9-9-9 Plan: this means corporations pay a 9% tax rate, individuals pay a 9% income tax rate, and we implement a 9% national sales tax on things we purchase (like groceries and other consumer goods).
3. Cain proposes the elimination of payroll deductions (Social Security, Medicare) from our paychecks and the elimination of the capital gains tax, the estate/death tax, and virtually all other personal taxes.
4. Cain claims that if we implement the 9-9-9 Plan, the total revenue trade off for our government is neutral. Intake from the old tax code would be essentially the same as intake from the 9-9-9 plan. (That's how they arrived at 9% as the magic the number.)

Now, for a little analysis. Let's think about the most fundamental implications of putting this plan into place.

Mormons, and Christians, and Cults, Oh My!

Last weekend at a "family values" conference in Washington D.C., Robert Jeffress, a conservative Baptist minister called Mormonism a cult, and then subsequently attempted to dissuade attendees from voting for Mormon practitioner and presidential candidate Mitt Romney. The bigoted comment sparked a great deal of media attention, but much of the real news, since no one really cares what one fundamentalist Baptist pastor says, turned out to be the reaction to the comment, or lack thereof, from other GOP candidates.

According to politicos like Slate's William Saletan, Herman Cain and Rick Perry, who were so quick to jump on the prior week's "N-----head" controversy, should have been stronger in their repudiation of the "cult" comment. Saletan argues that the reason for the lack of a more vociferous renunciation is that it is still generally acceptable to discriminate against Mormonism - that the idea of being repulsed by anti-Mormon bias has yet to be cemented in our collective conscience in the way that racial discrimination has been. Saletan rightly takes his criticism of Cain and Perry a step further by advising us all on the deeper and more profound ethical lesson of this incident.

"The prejudices you need to work on aren’t the ones you recognize in your grandparents’ generation. They’re the one you don’t recognize in your own generation, and in yourself."