Air Jordans Bring Tidings of Comfort and Joy

Photo: Courtesy of sfgate.com

The spirit of Christmas filled the air in shopping malls this morning as eager throngs of shoppers crowded storefronts around the nation in search of the new Nike Air Jordan Concord 11 sneakers.

The mainstream media used words like "riot" and "frenzy" to describe the chaos of these "Nike-crazed mob scenes," but they are seeing the downside as usual.

Sure, if you insist on looking through the telephoto lens of an expensive professional camera and seeing the facts, there might have been a little mayhem and violence. If you're obsessed with recording your actual first-person observations, I suppose the kids might have seemed a teensy bit rowdy when they tore off the mall front doors. But what if you let a little Christmas cheer inform your perspective. What if you choose to look closer and see this morning's jostling hordes through the translucent prism of grandma's favorite glass Christmas bulb...

• Seattle police were not using approved crowd control methods - they were simply welcoming shoppers with a playful dousing of yuletide pepper spray.
• A San Francisco Bay Area man was not recklessly discharging a firearm in a Richmond mall parking lot; he was joyously marking the arrival of the new shoe with the gift of gunfire.
• Unruly mobs didn't trample innocent bystanders at malls in Michigan. Some dancers are just less skilled than others with the new holiday "Nutcracker Stomp" craze that's sweeping the nation.
• An Atlanta woman didn't abandon two young kids in the car in the mall parking lot while she waited in line for hours to buy sneakers. The (apparently ungrateful) kids were simply being given ample opportunity to compose wish-filled letters to Santa (in their heads).

Maybe these unruly masses of holiday shoppers were simply bounding with joy at the pinnacle of this most wonderful time of year? Better yet, they were most likely anxious to get their newly acquired Air Jordans posted on eBay at a fair price, generously hoping to ease the burdens of sorrowful last minute shoppers. Could be, couldn't it? I just know that's it!

If you're open to the wonders of the season, Christmas joy will fill your heart and comfort your soul. You'll find holiday magic everywhere, and it will be as heart-warming and abundant as peace and goodwill at a New Jersey Wal-Mart on Black Friday morning.

An Open Letter to Rioting Penn State Students

Dear Thousands of Angry Penn State Students,

I heard eight disadvantaged elementary and middle school boys were raped by one of your assistant coaches. No wonder you're so angry. I would be pissed off too. The idea of an adult man using his position of authority to take advantage of these incredibly vulnerable nine and ten year old boys sickens me. I cannot imagine how awful and horrifying it must have been for these young boys, as this grown man who they believe cares about them, sneaks into their beds at night and whispers in their ears as he fondles their genitals, or worse, sodomizes them in the shower. I think that would fuck any kid up pretty bad.

It must make you completely livid when you consider that, for many of these kids this never had to happen. I mean so many people at the university knew what happened to that one boy in the shower. If only Mike McQueary or JoePa or one of those damned administrative suits had been thinking about the kids, instead of their precious university. Did they even try to see if that one kid was okay? Did they consider that there were very likely other boys in danger? Did they think Sandusky would just stop? Or did they know other ten year-old boys were probably getting fucked by a grown man - but think it was okay as long as it wasn't in their showers? Goddammit, I am getting teary-eyed and filling with rage just thinking about it.

I know it must be tough for you, since you're so close to the situation. You must feel helpless, knowing that this could have been stopped years earlier but wasn't. You must be enraged at those who let these defenseless children down. As I think about those boys who were raped, and I imagine all the years of confusion and anxiety and fear they must have endured after being raped, the nightmares and dysfunction they probably still have today, I understand your rage. I understand why you had to show the world how fiery and passionate you are about the situation. I know why you had to break a few windows, light some shit on fire, and turn over a car or two. It's all about those boys, about the god-awful things that Jerry Sandusky did to them, it's about their pain. I get it.

I know that you hurt more deeply and poignantly than others can ever understand. I know things seem grim and hopeless and tragic. Don't worry though, it gets better. The one comfort I can offer you is that as you get older, you'll gain perspective and you'll be relieved to find out there's more to life than the narrow sliver you see now. You'll start to see into the lives of other people, folks who have it really bad, like those boys who were raped, and you'll learn to be grateful for what you have, no matter how inadequate or unsatisying it sometimes feels. You'll be relieved when you finally realize the world doesn't revolve around you, and that those things that matter so much now, things like college football, pale in comparison to what really matters in life, like caring for the safety and well-being of children.

Take care of yourselves and keep fighting the good fight.