The Sad Death and Short Life of Tyler Clementi

Tyler Clementi

Tyler Clementi was a gay eighteen year-old freshman at Rutgers University who was struggling to come to grips with his own sexual identity.

Dharun Ravi was Tyler's roommate, who along with his friend Molly Wei, used a hidden webcam to secretly record a dorm room sexual encounter Tyler had with another man.

Upon learning that Dharun and Molly planned to broadcast the video online, Tyler jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge in New York.

Today, nearly a year and a half after the suicide of Tyler Clementi, jury selection begins in the trial of Dharun Ravi, who is charged with bias intimidation, invasion of privacy, and hindering prosecution.

It's natural to be angry at those who bully others, and it's easy to be enraged by the continuing onslaught of gay teen suicides. What's far more difficult is to look closer at the real lives of those young people, who in the face of ultimate desperation, believed that only one path remained for them - and they killed themselves.

For us to honestly grasp what is sacrificed each time a young gay brother or sister believes suicide is the only way out, we must first seek to truly understand who we have lost.

James Clementi has recently published a series of short letters he wrote to his younger brother Tyler. His letters are not easy to read, but they are too important not to read, and they do a beautiful job of helping us fully realize what we all lost on September 22, 2010 - when Tyler jumped off that bridge and drowned in the Hudson River.

The letters from James to Tyler can be found here.



Related Posts: A 14 Year-Old Boy Is Dead, Jamie Hubley - Another Gay Teen Suicide, When "It Gets Better" Isn't Good Enough,

Follow-Up on Jamey - The Bullying Continues

Jamey Rodemeyer, dead at 14. 

It's still not okay that this boy is dead, but he doesn't have to have died in vain.

A week ago today I published a blog post about 14 year-old Jamey Rodemeyer, the gay teenage boy who, despite putting up a good fight, ultimately chose to end his own life. I wanted to provide a quick update to Jamey's story, and again, ask you to do what you can, indeed what you should, to help put an end to the kind of hate and bullying that plagued Jamey throughout his short life.

Linked here is a short interview Jamey's parents did with Ann Curry on the Today Show this week. I was flabbergasted by a story they tell about Jamey's sister and the ongoing hate and bullying she has endured at her school (where Jamey also attended). I am beyond disappointed and disgusted.

If you think these things eventually take care of themselves, that children will eventually learn on their own to respect those who are different from them, you are wrong. We must actually DO something. It's really very simple - we must set the right example for our children in how we talk about others, and we must never let them think that it's okay to hate someone, just because they are different.

Hurtful words and taunting are not small matters to children. Bullying damages kids profoundly, it scars them deeply and permanently. If someone is teaching children that it's okay to hate, you must challenge them. Try to help them understand the impact of their words and actions. If you actually witness hateful speech or harmful taunting directed at a child (even if it's delivered by a  child), you must speak up and you must stop it.

That's me on my soapbox. I hope you watch the video with Jamey's parents and I hope it makes a difference.

Call to Action from Jamey Rodemeyer's Parents

The local television news story linked below is about the suicide of gay teen Jamey Rodemeyer. In the video, Jamey's parents speak out and ask that we all work together to stand up to those who bully gay teens. Teach your children well.

A 14 Year Old Boy Is Dead - Please Take Action

Almost everyday, I come to Starbucks and I write, but I don't usually have to fight back tears as I do it. I am seated at my usual table, sipping my usual drink, working on my everyday blog, but today is different. Today, I stumbled across the story of Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old boy who committed suicide last week.

Jamey was a gay teenager who was struggling to come to terms with his own sexuality, and as if that wasn't enough for a young teenage boy to handle, he was being bullied both at school and online. 

From the Buffalo News article about his death:

"I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens," Jamey wrote online on September 9. "What do I have to do so people will listen to me?"  

Just over one week later, Jamey was found dead outside his home of an apparent suicide.

Now we know how Jamey answered his own question. Those who knew and loved Jamey had an awareness of his struggles, and he did have help, but not enough. He had friends and he saw both a therapist and a social worker. Still, he continued to be bullied at school and online. He made the mistake of starting a Formspring account where people could make anonymous comments, and they did.

"JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND UGLY. HE MUST DIE!" read one post.

Another read: "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"

I learned about Jamey through a post on Facebook from the It Gets Better project. The project compiles short videos from famous (athletes, celebs, etc) and not-so-famous people who have a supportive personal story or message to share in the hopes of reassuring struggling GLBT youth that they should hang on, as life does eventually "get better."

It breaks my heart to tell you that young Jamey Rodemeyer not only knew about "It Gets Better," but he also had enough love in his heart to make a supportive video of his own. The video painfully shows us the beauty of Jamey's open and tender heart, and it serves as proof that Jamey had hope for his own life as recently as May 2011 when it was posted. In the end though, the brutal hatred and intolerance he faced were simply too much for such a fragile soul. I wish I could make every person I know watch his video. And since you've read this far, why don't you? Now.

That brave young man is dead now. So, what's the lesson here? Fuck if I know. If I have to find one, I'd say it's - don't hate a child. And don't let anyone else get away with that, either. Even other children. Stand up and show your love instead, because your love matters. Maybe not every time, but sometimes. 

Sometimes love triumphs over hate. Sometimes love salves the vicious wounds that hate inflicts. Sometimes love restores a soul that has been crushed beneath the unbearable weight of hate. Sometimes love slowly weaves its way into an unimaginably broken heart and repairs the devastation. Sometimes, but not every time. Sometimes, there just isn't enough love in the world, and sometimes, it's just too late. RIP Jamey.