I would argue instead that most members of the right-wing crowd, particularly those who rushed in this week to eat a deep-fried chicken sandwich in support of Chick-Fil-A and traditional marriage, simply don’t understand gayness. And maybe, they even fear it.
Many “family values” supporters earnestly believe that the normalization of gayness in our society somehow threatens their way of life, and so those individuals see their motivation in supporting Chick-Fil-A as protection, not hate.
A natural by-product of these conservative efforts to defend Judeo-Christian values from perceived attack is the necessary discrimination between hetero and homosexuality. If conservatives believe their biblical interpretation of family values and marriage is right, then any other way must be “wrong.” And who doesn’t like to stand up for what they believe is right?
This is where the problem begins. What is the real value in standing up for religion when doing so genuinely damages other human beings? How does it further the cause of Christ, or even the cause of humanity, when our actions harm others?
I am a grown gay man who has been out to my family and friends for more than two decades. At nearly fifty years old, I know who I am and what my life is worth. But there are many, many gay people who are younger than me, still coming-of-age, still learning about life, still so very impressionable – because they are children. These people, these kids, are the ones who pay the price for the “Godly values” espoused by others, and in far too many instances they pay with their lives.
As a mature fairly self-actualized gay man, whether or not Chick-Fil-A customers believe I am an equal and worthwhile human being has little impact on my emotional well being.
For vulnerable young gay people though, this isn’t so.
Young women and men who grow up confused and frightened by who they are, find the world around them offering not a helping hand, but a punch in the stomach. Young people who live in the shadows, whose very existence brims with doubt, are offered not the light of Christianity, but the dark aloneness of dismissal and rejection. Young people who search, yearn, and beg for understanding, suffer instead the destructive sting of judgment. Young men and women, and sometimes boys and girls, are told by their families and their churches – you are not the same, you are not enough, you are not right.
I don't believe it is the intent of my Christian friends to do devastating emotional injury to children. I know that they are simply working to preserve the way of life that they hold dear and striving to defend their biblical values. Nonetheless, the reactionary public outcry in favor of Chick-Fil-A (and against gay marriage) ultimately reinforces the feelings of isolation and worthlessness that afflict fragile young gay people.
For vulnerable young gay people though, this isn’t so.
Young women and men who grow up confused and frightened by who they are, find the world around them offering not a helping hand, but a punch in the stomach. Young people who live in the shadows, whose very existence brims with doubt, are offered not the light of Christianity, but the dark aloneness of dismissal and rejection. Young people who search, yearn, and beg for understanding, suffer instead the destructive sting of judgment. Young men and women, and sometimes boys and girls, are told by their families and their churches – you are not the same, you are not enough, you are not right.
To that end, I offer some worthwhile alternative actions that Chick-Fil-A supporters might take to more productively make their case for Christian values.
1. Participate in a mentoring program like Big Brothers / Big Sisters.
2. Volunteer at shelter for abused/battered women and children.
3. Collect canned goods for a food bank.
4. Sign up to be an organ donor or donate blood.
5. Volunteer for a teen suicide/crisis hotline.
6. Clean out your closet and donate unwanted clothes/shoes to the needy.
7. Visit elderly folks in a retirement home or volunteer for hospice.
8. Surprise a neighbor - mow their lawn or wash their car.
9. Volunteer at church – they offer tons of opportunities to help make people's lives better.
10. Reach out to a friend in need, or maybe just someone you haven't talked to in a while. Tell them how much you miss them and how much they mean to you.
Don’t these activities provide greater opportunity for each of us to treat our fellow man with respect and dignity, to follow the Golden Rule, and to behave more lovingly, more saintly, more like Christ – than sharing a boastful Facebook update and eating a chicken sandwich in order to deny the validity of someone else’s existence?
Dan Cathy supporters have every right to commit their dollars, their energy, and their voices to Chick-Fil-A's anti-gay and lesbian agenda. But could they not better promote their deeper cause, the righteousness and protection of Christian values, by spreading with all their might the greatest of Christ's messages, the healing power of love?
As Christ said, whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me. I submit that the needs of Christianity and of man are best served when good Christians perform kind and thoughtful deeds for those who are truly the least fortunate among us, and leave the judging to God.
In some ways, all this Chick-Fil-A nonsense is a misunderstanding between most members of the family values crowd and most gays and lesbians. The gay people I know sincerely want their Christian friends to have everything lovely and wonderful and beautiful in this world and the next. All we are asking is that they want the same for us.
This article was previously published on examiner.com.
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