Phoenix Jones - Superhero, Job Creator

This morning I read about a man who was arrested in Seattle for hosing down a group of clubgoers with pepper spray. The daily news is rife with stories of random acts of violence, but this story is special. The pepper spray perpetrator was Benjamin Fodor, aka Phoenix Jones - the most prominent member of the Rain City Superhero Movement.

Phoenix Jones, real life superhero

Phoenix Jones is in Seattle, but real life superheroes are cropping up across America quicker than Wall Street occupiers. I had no idea there were any modern day superheroes, much less a superhero movement, but apparently there is one and it's growing. Witnessing the rise of groups like the Rain City Superheroes, some see a movement, but with my keen mind for business and economics, I see an industry. And where there is industry, there are jobs. To hell with the American Jobs Act. I suggest Congress and White House crank up the full power of the American political machine in support of the new era of the superhero. In doing so, we will rid our streets of those bothersome overly-ambitious clown-faced criminal elements, and more importantly, there will be jobs.

We'll need more superheroes of course. Lots of them. With just a black mask and a matching muscle suit, Phoenix Jones has shown us that the superhero dream is alive and well, and within the grasp of any man or woman who can wield a can of pepper spray. Caped crusaders are the backbone of the superhero business, and this industry can only grow if we foster a wide variety of innovative and entrepreneurial crime-fighters. 

Where there are superheroes, there must be sidekicks. For those who possess a passion for crime fighting but are unsure of their own individual butt-kicking skills, the sidekick role may be perfect. There is plenty of room in this burgeoning new industry for the ride-along type. Everyone can't be in the limelight, right? Someone has to gas up the turbo car and re-stock the utility belts. Let the superhero have the glory - we all know he couldn't do it without a solid sidekick.

Ironworkers Needed

The more behind-the-scenes types will be interested in one of the critical technical support roles the industry is sure to spawn. Sure, some superheroes will be scientific geniuses (who probably gained their powers as a result of their own carelessness in the lab), and those guys will make their own gadgets. But most of the new superhero and sidekick combos will require an array of craftsmen to design their weapons, vehicles, and outfits. Impenetrable shields, hydraulic grappling hooks, invisible airplanes? Identity-concealing masks, patriotic cape-and-tight ensembles with built in six-pack abs, bullet-proof codpieces? These superhero necessities aren't going to manufacture themselves.

And don't forget, no one is born fighting like a superhero. Renaissance fair aficionados will now be able to get better paying jobs teaching swordsmanship (which will open up their prior video store clerk positions to others), street toughs can be rehabilitated as urban hand-to-hand combat teachers, and there will be enormous demand for enigmatically wise old asian men to conduct martial arts (and secret of life) training.

Alfred Pennyworth of Wayne Manor

Superheroes gain access to unlimited supplies of money, and with that kind of cash comes mansions, cars, and other trappings of success. We know they need secretaries and butlers, but each superhero also needs a sizable personal staff. Someone has to care for the manor while the superhero is out fighting crime. Who launders the capes, manicures the lawn, and cooks breakfast for the certain-to-be starving superheroes after a hard night of battling evil?

Those who lack the skill or drive to contribute directly to the real life superhero movement can still support the development of this industry as non-committed bit players (a sort of trickle sideways effect). Superheroes need easily-duped girlfriends and idiotic journalists who can't recognize their own best friend when he's wearing a two-inch swath of felt across his eyes. Additionally, caped crusaders need need innocent bystanders to gasp and exclaim their superhero names as they arrive on scene, as well as petty thugs who can be knocked out with singular neck chops. The opportunity list goes on and on.

I've been railing about the need for American leaders to do something to spur job creation and boost the economy, and I think supporting the nascent real life superhero industry is better than anything Congress has proposed thus far. Unlike Herman Cain's 9-9-9 tax plan which fills the coffers of the rich at the expense of the middle and lower classes, the real life superhero industry offers something for everyone. The top 1% are just a cape and codpiece away from assuming powerful new personas, and the bottom 99% can finally get back to work.